A Warning

For the girl that sat behind us last night, looked like she was melted down and poured into her shirt, and couldn't be quiet for 2 seconds:

My man was not checking you out when he turned around to stare at you. That was a subtle hint that you should shut up because we *really* didn't want to hear your valley-girl commentary for the entire evening. Consider yourself lucky, he's usually not so nice to people who are so desperately lacking in courtesy and social graces.

Oh, and when you made those kissy noises at my husband, it made him throw up a little in the back of his mouth. If you ever do that again, I'll grab you by the generous love handles that are hanging out from under your shirt, and toss you in front of a mirror so that you can see what everyone else is forced to see when you walk by.



Maybe then you'll realize that your mom had a very good reason for suggesting that you invest in a full-length mirror.

My munchkin

Wow -- I didn't realize that I was able to upload pictures from my computer. Suhweet!






Alexis had her 10 month 'birthday' yesterday.
My in-laws have a large pool, and, being the good daughter-in-law that I am, I make sure that we get over there to swim and sunbathe visit with them at least several days a week. Lexi loves the pool if I go slow in putting her in...otherwise she growls (literally) at me, and being the bad mom that I am, I can't help but laugh at how she expresses her displeasure. I'm sure the growling is from her father's side of the family, as is her temper. *cough*
Watching her stagger around the house and learn to walk has been an endless source of amusement for David and I lately. She always looks like she just got off a horse (although that may have something to do with the never-ending full diaper. I tell myself that it's for her good -- it makes for a softer landing when she falls), and has drunk a few too many bottles of grape juice.
I always used to roll my eyes at the parents who were constantly amused with their own childrens' antics, and now I'm one of them. She cracks me up, and I can't keep my eyes from shining proudly as I watch her. She's got to be the cutest little munchkin I've ever seen.

Interruptions

Person 1: "The other day as I was getting the mail, I noticed this huge snake slitheri---"

Person 2: "Oh I HATE SNAKES!!!! In fact I saw one two days ago on our back porch."

P1: "Ya, well this snake was slithering across the ro--"

P2: "I had to jump into the house and slam the door to keep it outside."

P1: "Well, I completely forgot about actually getting the mail, which is what I'd co--"

P2: "I was so freaked out that I put on a pair of boots to clean the kitchen."

Silence.

P2: "Aren't you going to finish your story?"

Hearing conversations like this make me want to examine myself, and my conversational habits to ensure that I am actually listening when another person is talking to me. There is nothing worse than trying to tell a story to someone who is more interested in what they're going to say in response.
I usually discontinue talking and let the interrupter have the floor. A perceptive person will notice my silence, and usually apologize after realizing that it's because they interrupted. But some people just don't get it. They're so completely engrosssed in what they have to say, that they notice nothing else.
You can actually have quite a bit of fun with these people, at their expense, and without their ever knowing it. I've had "conversations" last up to 2 minutes where I've continued talking, despite the interruption, just to see how long they would keep talking at the same time as me. This is especially amusing if there are others in the nearby vicinity who can actually follow both conversations at once.
It is also quite comedic to make sassy comments about the person right to their face. They rarely discontinue talking, and usually have no clue that they've been insulted. Although, once in a while, after a little monologue was finished, the person has looked quizzically at me and asked "Did you say something about my shirt?", or "What did you say about yellow teeth?"


So I'm not complaining--I need a good laugh at another's expense every now and then.

Devil/child

Reading my sister's little online survey question:

As a child, were you....
a. An "angel" (the good child who rarely got into trouble)
b. A little you-know-what (the bad child who greatly challenged your parents!)

brought back some funny memories of when we were younger. In fact, I started laughing as soon as I read it.
I was older than Ruth by two years, and apparently did my best to convince my parents that they'd conceived, and given birth to a small demon. Mom was constantly spanking me for my rebelliousness, and disobedience. According to her, one of the worst nights she had with me was when I reduced her to tears, and she actually called my dad home from work because she couldn't handle me anymore. I was 3. Good work for a toddler, eh?

Ruth was the angel child, and *never got any spankings*. Okay, so I'm sure she didn't go her entire childhood without any spankings whatsoever, but my parents have said that I got enough for the both of us, so I'm sure they gave me most of hers. You simply can't imagine how frustrating this was to me as a child--I still haven't gotten over it. Having Ruth misbehave was so out of the ordinary, that I specifically remember one incident that resulted in her getting a spanking.
I don't know what Mom gave her for lunch that day, but WOO, Ruth was a fireball that day. Not only did she get a spanking, but in the middle of the spanking she shoved herself away from Mom and angrily grunted at her. If she had had as much experience as me, she would have known that an act of rebellion in the midst of a spanking is never a wise move.





Of course, I only know this because I was peeking from the doorway, and completely enjoying the show.

Mind-altering drugs coffee

I think my husband put something in my coffee/latte at brunch...why else would I actually be considering taking up piano teaching again?!

Someone please smack me upside the head before I do something stupid, like send out an "I'm taking piano students now" email to the gazillion people who've asked me umpteen times about teaching.

"How wude!" - Jar Jar Binks

I am the picture of politeness, or at least I try to be, when out it public. I always say 'excuse me' when I need to get through an aisle, or when I walk in front of someone as they're perusing the merchandise. I have a problem with people who are so self-focused that they are not aware of those around them, or how their actions affect others.
In my family of jokesters, and smart-alecks, however, instead of saying 'Excuse me' when accidentally, or (more likely) purposely bumping into someone, we usually say 'Excuse YOU'. Of course this is only done with immediate family, and in good humor. As of today, however, I've decided that I should probably stop saying it at home if I don't want to say it elsewhere.

As I was walking through the mall with my munchkin, some rude guy elbowed by, and managed to bump into me pretty forcefully. Immediately, without even thinking, I said "Excuse YOU".
I guess I just can't be polite ALL the time.

He half turned and looked at me in surprise, but I don't know what he was so shocked about. Did he not notice that he'd nearly bowled me over in his haste to get out the door? Did he mistake me for a mannequin? Maybe he had that disorder where you can't feel anything...so he was unaware that he'd made hard contact with another human. Or maybe he was just rude, and too caught up in himself to be bothered with common courtesy.


Who knows? Who cares? I excused him.

In case of accidental ingestion

I was reminded the other day of the exact reason why I do not usually leave Alexis home with only her father to watch her.
My husband's cousin was getting married, and since I'm a cosmetologist and family, I was asked to help out with the hair. So I fed my darling, and ran out the door for a 'practice night' with the bridesmaids.
I was slightly worried upon returning home, as I glanced around the house and observed the mess. My man was just getting up from an evening nap (he works the midnight shift at the police dept.), and Lexi was napping in her crib. I quickly tidied the house up, but was disturbed by the half-eaten cardboard card that used to hold Alexis' little hair clips. David explained that he forgot to close the closet door she found them, and he was too busy playing a game to check on her he didn't realize that she trying to eat the cardboard.
Two days later I "found" the missing red hairclip----as I was changing her dirty diaper.



So ya, in case of accidental ingestion, don't worry! You'll get it back in a few days.